And Just Like That..You’re an Orphan

I’m assuming that is what we are now. Four sisters with no parents.

My mother passed away Saturday morning. She was not alone which I am grateful for, but it also says a lot about North Dakota’s lax Covid response.

This was nothing like when my father died. That left me gutted on the floor for a solid year. I thought I was logically prepared for Momma to leave. We had said our good-byes over the phone. In the end she did what she always does. Exactly what she wanted. To be left alone to die.

I’m still trying to wrap my head around that fact. Today we wrote her obituary. There is a fine line between an obituary and a 5 page pamphlet. We decided to stick to the facts. She died. She left family. We debated on adding more, we used our mother’s sisters obituary and it said things like “She loved gardens and her grandchildren.” V: “Are we supposed to say she loved her wine?” In the end it was just the facts.

I am still conflicted. Trying to forgive someone who never asked for forgiveness. But the logical part of me says, let it go. Then you walk into the market and they are playing Christmas music and on comes The Christmas Shoes song and suddenly you’re a puddle in the coffee aisle. I expect more of that. Last night we roasted chestnuts and without thinking I sent her a picture.

Some advice to anyone living. Go through your stuff sooner rather than later and make sure your children know what to do. We found out so much stuff I just didn’t want to hear anymore. Who was this woman? She didn’t even have a birth certificate. They were all born at home and she was listed as stillborn. If I don’t know who my mother was do I even know who I am?

She was cremated and wants to go home to be buried. I asked my sister how is she getting there with the Covid and all? S: “Pony Express?” She’ll get there when she gets there.

So we are pretty much finished now. There is a lot that goes into closing out a person’s life. Questions are asked. Mine was ” What about her Christmas package? What do I do with that stuff?” I personally am keeping everything except the Lily Pulitzer sweater and if you are an XXS, it could be yours.

I appreciate y’all letting me ramble on. I don’t know what comes next, but I’m ready.

xx P

22 thoughts on “And Just Like That..You’re an Orphan

  1. ” There is a lot that goes into closing out a person’s life.” I’m sorry for your loss, Patty. You’re right – there’s a lot that goes into it. My dad died when I was 18, and we didn’t know how much debt he had amassed. We almost lost the house that we were living in. I made it through my first semester and dropped out to work, so that we would not be homeless. It sucks, but being prepared for the end is such a gift to your survivors. The survivors are dealing with loss and grief, and all the other stuff just complicates matters. Prayers and thoughts sent your way.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. For good or bad, I tend to isolate myself after any emotional trauma. I don’t want anyone around. I have to come to terms with some things alone. As a child we all have different relationships with our parents. We all had different experiences but we can all agree she was a mean woman!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Unfortunately, not the mother you wished for, however still your mother. It’s hard to let go of the ‘what could have been’, I know that thought will stick with me a long time, even when I’m at that point I have to say goodbye to my mother. (72 years old now). Like you and your sisters, I plan to stick to the facts when the time comes. In addition, to be able to find peace personally, I intend to write a letter after she is gone. Addressing all the memories, the good an the bad, and then burn it. Privately, my own farewell ritual 😉
    Wishing you all the strength needed, to go through all the emotions that will surface. And as always, a big hug! XxX

    Liked by 1 person

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