December is getting off on the wrong foot!

It’s been a bit. Things are crazy here. It’s been summer until Monday and then we had rain and cold and now it’s settled on an even temperature with sunshine.

Oklahoma is no where near following CDC guidelines. Our governor called for a day of prayer and fasting in groups in churches instead of a mask mandate so now our numbers are through the roof.

My mother is in hospital in North Dakota and I am strongly questioning their abilities. Pretty much anyone can come in and they didn’t even test her for Covid. Now she weighs 60 pounds, has multiple blood clots in her legs, lungs, and a shaky brain bleed. Yesterday the doctor said she is in multiple organ failure and has fluid in her lungs and pneumonia. So this morning they took her to have a procedure to put something in her body to keep the clots from entering her heart.

Makes no sense to me to do this to an 85 year old woman who just wants to die with out all of this mess. The palliative care nurse came in and said she was clear in the head, which she is most definitely not as she has been taking Oxycontin, Fentanyl patches and more. Who in their right mind prescribes those to an woman of her age living alone??? And why? There was absolutely nothing wrong with her but a bruised rib from 5 years ago.

It’s a frustrating situation made worse by the fact that I can not go there. So that is where I am. Even talking on the phone to the nurse was frustrating. But hopefully today we will know something.

I am very conflicted about the entire thing. How is one supposed to feel when the person who has physically abused her daughters until we left home and then just used emotional and verbal abuse? As for me, when they told me she was dying, I couldn’t even cry. I just felt hope. That soon I’ll be free. Heck, my sister MJ, just got on a plane and went to Curacao. She is not conflicted. She is fed up.

I hope no one is thinking I want her dead. I don’t. I just want her to go away and let us be calm for a few years.

Anyone else have this conflict?

Let me know, I’m stuck at home still so give me your best advice.

xx P

19 responses to “December is getting off on the wrong foot!”

  1. I didn’t have that experience but I had friends who did. You get what you sow. Don’t feel guilty. Her local medical care is doing the best they can (hopefully).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. I feel so conflicted.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow! You’ve got a lot on your emotional plate girl. I’m astounded that the hospital is giving her such extreme treatments at this juncture. Meantime, your thoughts are rational and valid. When your freedom arrives, I hope it’s everything you need it to be.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I agree with Kate. Prayers sent for your mother, but do not feel any guilt. If only everyone lived by karma.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Wow… She will make it

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Prayers sent to her for full recovery and to you for peace

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. She passed away Saturday.


  6. The weather here has been crazy too. Two days ago we had snow and now it is nearly short sleeves weather again.
    Yes, we have lot of people running around here who think they’re Covid-19 proof. I’m terribly sorry to learn about your mother and wish her a speedy recovery.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. You are welcome. πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

  7. I am sorry to hear all this. I can understand your feelings and don’t feel conflicted You have done well and raised a good family. The deities above knows. 2020 is not a good year at all. Much love and Garfield hugsπŸ€—πŸ€—πŸƒπŸ‚πŸƒπŸ‚

    Liked by 1 person

  8. May your mum recover well and not make you worry

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Ahoy there Pirate Patty! Read this and sending ye virtual hugs. I went through a similar thing with me father. I helped his final wishes be met but when he passed I felt relief and freedom. So I completely get where ye be coming from. Hang in there. It gets better. ARRR!
    x The Captain

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes. The freedom. I didn’t expect that, but it feels like I’m free.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Sending a big hug to you! Unfortunately all I can do from across the big pond. Having a difficult relationship with my mother too, I can understand the conflicting feelings. It’s normal, it means you are compassionate, despite your mother wasn’t/isn’t. And that my dear neighbor, is a wonderful virtue to possess. Stay strong, you know what it is right for you. XxX


  11. Wow! Your story has certainly put things into perspective for me. Here in Nova Scotia we are experiencing a ‘second wave’ of cases, but the province is taking things very seriously with many enforced restrictions. I’m glad I live where I do. Despite your complicated relationship with your mother, I do feel sorry for what she is going through. Kismet perhaps?
    I’m desperately hoping that the world will soon return to some sort of normalcy for everyone.
    Wishing you a holiday season filled with love.

    Liked by 1 person

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