I’ve been away for a couple of days now. It’s been 7 months since I contracted an infection in my left eye from a contact lens. A brand new contact lens. At first it was a wild time just trying to save the eye and then it was healing it. I have written plenty about it the last few months and at my last visit my Doctor told me it was completely healed and that I would need 2 operations. One to remove the deep scar and then a corneal transplant.
Yesterday was my check up and getting all my measurements done for the transplant, which will come first. I was ready. More than ready for this to be over. But it just didn’t go that way. I had so many drops yesterday that when I got home and could see a little bit my pupils were so big I looked like some Emo character or a Meth user as someone told me.
Now I have full faith in the Dean McGee Eye Institute and my surgeons. They are in the top 100 of Best lists all the time. Yesterday they said we are starting with the transplant. There will be about an 8% rejection rate and for the next year you will have to be extremely careful not to bump it or rub it or even looks at it. Okay I made that last one up but I’m moping now so let it go. After that year, they will go in and remove the small cataract that formed when I was on the steroids. There is a very fine line between healing and harming with steroids. I basically zoned out after that. Shut down. Came home and sat in a chair silently for hours until I fell asleep. Dreaming of a Stephen King scenario with someone else’s cornea. A dead someone else.
To admit that I’m scared to death and horribly angry is not something I’m used to doing. I am the strong one. I am the one who does the helping, the advocating on behalf of the patient. And now I just feel like crying.
You can’t really see anything wrong with my eye but I can’t see out without it looking like 4 layers of plastic wrap are hanging there. I will never be able to wear a contact in that eye again. My mother reminded me yesterday that I was 16 when I started wearing them. That I went to the eye doctor and worked out a payment plan and brought those suckers home.
The good news is that my right eye isn’t great on far away but excellent close up so I can read! But if you too suffer from anxiety you know that even that isn’t enough to keep you from spinning it into something much worse.
Thanks for listening and thanks to all of you who have messaged me encouraging words.