When we last left you we were hurdling towards the Trauma Center in an ambulance during rush hour traffic. But let’s back up just a bit.
When lovely nurse Meghan brought the EMT team back to load me up, she introduced them both. A short blonde named Jessica and a tall, dark guy name Jessie. Jessie was very considerate and went and got me a warm towel to hold over my face on the way out to the ambulance. So in we go and I am immediately getting anxious. It is already in the high 90’s outside and inside this hot box was at least 10 degrees hotter.
I’m looking at this Jessica person telling her I am in severe pain from the pain shot and I am going to get sick. Well Thank the Gods for OU Boy! He quickly grabbed a blue bag and helped me out. Jessica meanwhile is trying to write up her notes for the trip or something. I am not saying she was on something but OU Boy had no problem saying it. For one thing she says, ” So you are 5’2? Oh my gosh, me too!” We are looking at her as if she has sprung horns and a tail. Uh, no I am 5’10” ( and 1/2 but I’ll let that go). Then she starts calling the other hospital telling them they have me and all my stats. All wrong. Finally she says in a very chipper voice, “Oh, I see now, I got the wrong paperwork.”
Up front Jessie is driving like he just stole this bitch and we’re headed for Colorado. Finally we make it to a hospital and things were looking up.
They were having mini fits over my blood pressure until they realized I can’t wear an adult cuff. Sorry, too skinny.Lest you think I was handling all of this like a champ, you should know that I was not. At some point I remember trying to grab my purse in the ambulance so I could at least pepper spray this bitch. And I am not proud of the fact that they then brought in a gunshot victim and I still wasn’t budging from my spot in triage. Seriously pain makes me a mean person. That whole survival thing kicks in and I was not nice.
Me wrestling with OU Boy for my Bag of Weapons.
I did keep telling OU Boy to keep writing things down because once this was over I could use this shit.
Next time I’ll introduce you to Dr. Jason Smart, my doctor who looks just like the smart guy on Criminal Minds. I call him Dr. Jason Bourne, just because it sounds cool and all the old men in the waiting room look so hopeful when they hear Dr. Jason Bourne to ICU.
Seriously, thank you all for being there for me. You make me laugh and think about other things instead of crawling into my little cave and crying and feeling sorry for myself. I thought I was special, I thought when they said a very long road it didn’t apply to me. Give me a few days and I’ll be fine! Not so. It is going to be a long road and I have chosen to laugh about it. And use it to get out of things I don’t want to do. xxoo P